The jokes
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
Spaceballs: The Joke.
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
Spaceballs: The Comment.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi Order?
Palpatine: Slew it!
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?
"Use the horse!"
After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.
Why didn't the newest Star Wars movie start with the classic scrawl?
Because it was a Rogue One!
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"