Thank god jokes

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."

"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

Thank God I went on the tenth.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?

Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?

You: Uhhhhhhh

Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.

You: Thank God.

Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...

You: *faints*

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.

Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.

God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.

Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!

God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)

Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)

God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!

God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........

God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.