Start Jokes

A 90 year old man takes a Viagra Strips of naked lies down in a ally way three chicks walks on by a blond a brunette an a red head

The red head sed I'm not letting that go to waste so she strips of an rides him when she's finished The brunette then strips of naked an rides him the blonds now worried because she just got her period the red head sez he's dead don't let it go to waste so she strips of naked an rides him then he wakes up he then send wow two jump starts an a blood transfusion I'm good to go !

What do you do when your baby starts screaming?

Use more lube.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

Kid starts shortcoming people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”

My friend had a drink called quick start so I said "that's a quick start to the morning".

When My do starts to bark he starts to get ruff

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer. One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. ̈I will go ask God! ̈ So, he asks God, and God chuckles. ̈You are what you are! ̈ The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, ̈What is wrong? ̈ The zebra answers, ̈Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied ́You are what you are! ́ ̈ His friend says, ̈Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said ́You is what you is! ́

Yo mama is so slow when she stepped on the HI way they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic

If you start at a bait shop you're an amateur baiter but once you achieve the highest level you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on shrimp boat

As a hobby I started taking walks around the old clock tower. It's a great way to pass the time.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

I tried to stick to one direction but then they started to shoot the gay bar....

Se we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of "do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She herd this question to the point were she just says yes without hesitation. Once she had said yes, two kids int he back started laughing. Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you? Kid: Oh were not laughing at that. Kid_2: Were laughing at cancer.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you starting at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you 'baby' now~

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

why did the chicken cross the road? whos gives a shit i wanna know how it got the car started

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"