What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
