SOS jokes

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.

I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.

Person: You're so ugly.

Me: You ugly.

Person: I'm not a mirror.

Me: And I'm not your reflection.

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.

Yo mama is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl and a plate and ketchup to the red zone.

Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.

Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."

Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"

"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."

"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."