Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
why do orphans like baseball so then they can know what a real home is
You're so fat, when you went on the scale it said "to be continued."
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
"Joe Mama so fat she plays pool table the Earth."
Your hairline so far back it’s back on before Jesus Christ was born
Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"
Your hairline is so far back, it makes the Giant from Clash of Clans jealous!
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
Your hairline went so back, you had to cry to your mama!
Your hairline is so back it looks like Will Smith slapped it.
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
