Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!
SOS Jokes
Your hairline is so crooked that it made Will Smith feel straight.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit, the kids thought they missed the school bus.
Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.
Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.
Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Your hairline goes so far back, even the Proclaimers wouldn't walk there.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was tiers.
Your hairline is so far back my grandpa saw it before you!
He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
