Sneak jokes

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."