Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Why do people consume "Laxatives"?
Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!
Why do Inbred White Trash Racists talk so much shit?
Answer: Because deep down inside, they KNOW that they are nothing but PATHETIC LOSERS!
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
Your mama is so ugly she doesn't have to flush the toilet. She already scared the shit out of it.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.
Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Saw that shit on Roblox.
