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Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.

Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Orphan: What's a mama?

Random kid: *shook*

Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah.

I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I've been broken, heart's contentious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost and I'm found, but It's torture being in love. I love when you're around But I fucking hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah.

Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

Friend: Do you think she likes me?

Me: Yah.

Friend: Really😀😀😀?

Me: Hell no.

Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.

The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

  • 3

    • A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

    However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

    So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

    He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

    The man replies, “No.”

    The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

    The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

    “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

    “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

    The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

    Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

    One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

    He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

    Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

    He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

    The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

    "Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

    "Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

    The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

    "I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

    Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."