Railway jokes
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
Which train is loaded with bubble gum?
A chew-chew train.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.