Puns
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
Because they cut deep.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
Spell "Ihop," and then say, "'Ness, I ate your peanuts!"
What flour do orphans use?
Self-raising flour.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
My name is Bishal Khan and I can't walk.
Why was 6 scared of 7?
'Cause 7 8 9.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.