Poker jokes
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?
'Cause he was a cheetah.
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush!
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why do butts always win at poker?
They always hold the best PAIRS!
Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...