pirate's jokes
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
3.14% of sailors are... π-rates.
Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his booty strength!
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Quick Buck
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
Why are pirates named pirates?
Cuz they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
How much do pirate earrings cost? 🤔
Answer: A buck an ear. 🤣
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”