Physical Ability jokes
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
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A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
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"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.