Penny jokes

We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.

I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?

He had a 6 cents of humor.

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

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Why don't some people like pennies?

Because it's common cents.

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.

What has a head and tail but no legs?

A penny.

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?