Outing jokes
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
The Romans conquered Africa, they conquered Europe, they conquered Britain, then they stopped. They probably ran out of conkers.
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂