Online shopping jokes

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?

Halloween. Free delivery!

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

Dear clothing websites, if it's out of stock, DO NOT ADVERTISE IT!

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

Yo mama so stupid, she asks for the restroom on Amazon.

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?

Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.