Off the grid jokes

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

Roses are red, I'm off the grid,

John Cena accidentally says "you can't see me" to a blind kid.

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

"Everywhere."

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...