Newest Now Jokes - Page 19 - Worst Jokes Ever

I bet my mum thinks this 😂

Having a teenage
daughter is a lot like
your house being
haunted. Every now and
then you see a figure in
the corner of your eye,
followed by a moaning
sound, and then a door
will slam shut.

People be like: What happened to fruit ninja? It was on your phone, Me: I upgraded now i can play on my pro max thigh/wrists

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have ***, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

me when i just ate

Me thinking "hmm... now I need
something sweet" after I just ate
boredpanda.com

😉 i like target now

Target does what??!!!
O
target
STAPLES
ALDI
DICK'S
boredpanda.com

What did the orphan say to his parents? I'm tripping balls right now

I kicked into someone Ball.Now i got a red Card

so true

THERE WAS A SPIDER
38
Imgflip.com
ITS GONE NOW

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together. Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house. Police: ... Child: 😊 Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds", so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

I killed a Homeless dude now he's at funeral HOME 😭💔

I killed a Homeless dude now she's at funeral HOME😭💔

HeHeH

AT&T LTE
1:18
Wednesday, October 3
EMERGENCY ALERTS
Presidential Alert
Delete those sus google searches
187%
now
makeitmeme.com

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"

If you guys are smart, you will get this.

GOES TO THE DOCTOR.
READS THIS EYE CHART.
imgflip.com
P
AY
NOW
AS YO
U AREN
OTGOIN
G TO LIVE
www.eyechartmaker.com

There were 5 people on an airplane. 1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

The plane takes off, A good, solid 1 hour in, The pilot comes out and says "Ok guys, I have good news and bad news, Bad News is the plane is gonna crash, The good news is that I have 4 parachutes" The pilot says to his passengers, " Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes, People depend on me" Took a parachute and went out. The businessman stands up and says " Well I'm a businessman, I run companies" Took a parachute and went out The smartest person in the world stands up and says " I'm the smartest person in the world, No one is smarter than me" Took a parachute and went out Now the minister says to the school child " Well God has given me a good life, I want you to take the last parachute" and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says " Why are you smiling?!, We're about to die!!!!" and the school child says to the minister "Well actually not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag

A cop pulls me over and asks if i have been drinking. I'm an honest person and say yes i did so i take of my sunglasses, and tell him that i now had 2glasses less.