No jokes
My friend said my life was a joke.
No jokes have meaning.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
No.
Neither has he.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.
England: No towers?
America: No queen?
England: Remember 1812?
America: No tea?
You signed up for football, but you're no good.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.
Twin Towers: "No, it won't."
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.