Mum jokes

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Your mum's got big tits.

You're mum.

Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!

My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."

Carys’s mum has chemo.

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

What's your mum's favourite food?

Chicken nuggets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.