orphans have 263 days on a calendar because they dont have mothers or fathers day.
What do orphan want to get for Christmas ... a mother
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mothers love Orphan: how come Me: you wouldn’t get it Orphan: . . . .
wtas aenergy drink orphans nevver tried ''mother''
Timmy: stupid motherfucker Jimmy: wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth Timmy: starts crying Jimmy: ah fuck I did it again
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Teacher- "I'll call your mother" Orphan- "go on, see if she picks up
I donated a computer to the orphanage... It didn’t have a mother board.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Becuase they have a face not even a mother could love
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself. It's really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
a 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. her: " crap! my mom is going to kill me!"
the fetus : "lol same here"
youre mom #69
I see a kid crying in the park right. So I go up to him and say " hey where are your parants" and he says "well my dad left to get the milk and never came back and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda triangle
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
POV: Wine Taster in hell
I was, sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. this silhouette begins to speak, "you have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. how do you plead?" the man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit. "guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like I will take any punishment you deem fit." very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request." out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. the boy says "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." the boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, Taste like chicken."
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain."
You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting u up for adoption.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mothers day card for his mum. The second he saw it he burst out crying...
Someone walks up to his dad and says Dad what’s the difference between potentiality and reality soo ok the dad says to the son go ask your mother sister and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for a $1,000,000 so the son comes back 5 minutes later and said dad they all said they would sleep with the postman so son petentilay we have a million dollars but in reality we have two slits and a gay one
