Miser jokes

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"

Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.

The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.