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Heroin Monkey

FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11

Heroin Monkey

MOM WHAT
THE FUCK!?
HOLY SHIT,
IT'S GREG!
MOM was GIVING HER WHOLE HEAD to Mr.
Winsky, and Vice Principal Roy is FUCKING DEAD!
As soon as I walked in these fuckers immediately acted
like they weren't just fucking crawling over each other.
That filthy homewrecker Mr. Winsky sent Mom and told
her to take me home. Fucking delinquents.
I have to tell Dad that Mom is a whore somehow. This
bitch needs to be sent to the streets.
3

Heroin Monkey

Monday
DECEMBER
Today was fucking dreadful.
Me and the boys were just watching porn on the
school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful.
You know how it goes, though. There's always s
bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the
fun.
Some
WHAT
GREG IS WATCHING
PORNOGRAPHY, MR
JIZZLE!
"PANT
PANT
THE
ZFUCK?!
The next time I see
snitch is fucking dead.
Patty, I swear to god, that
1

Heroin Monkey

DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a page from a diary with hand-written text and a small drawing of a person on a couch looking dejected.

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows two people, one fat and one skinny. A faucet is pouring water into the fat person's mouth, labeled "mental health support," while a few drops are going toward the skinny person. The fat person is labeled "Woman feeling a bit down today" and the skinny person is labeled "Man who wants to kill himself".

MEME LORD

A man with a sweaty face looking exhausted. The text on the image is: "When u RAW DOGGIN her for 3 hours straight with back to back rounds & she stops *sighs* & says 'Do u think they'll ever find a cure for AIDS?'"

TaylorSwiftBoat

The image shows Mark Zuckerberg and T-Pain in a music studio. T-Pain is seen playing a keyboard, while Mark Zuckerberg stands in the background. A smaller inset photo shows Zuckerberg wearing a black t-shirt.

Heroin Monkey

A painting of an old man with a hat smoking a pipe. The text on the image says: "STOP BLAMING YOURSELF AND OTHERS. LEARN FENG SHUI & BLAME THE FURNITURE."

A Star Wars Fan

A black and white picture shows a person with a tear running down their face. Above, there is the text: "When you order a book called 'How to scam people' and it still hasn't arrived after 3 months:"

Anonymous

POV its late at night and your wife lickes her lips

A close-up image of a dog's face with its mouth open, teeth showing, and one eye squinting. The dog is looking to the side, and its expression appears mischievous.

Anonymous

George Floyd in a nutshell.

The image shows two pictures of the same Black man, in a reaction meme format. The top picture is deep-fried and has glowing eyes. The text on the image says: "real shit". Below that picture is written: "Fake $20s". The second picture is a picture of the man sleeping. The text on this image says "i sleep", and next to it, it's written: "Cop on my neck".

Anonymous

Guess which one I'm mad about.

Two muscular arms clasped together in a strong handshake. The arm on the left with light skin is labeled "Modern Songs". The arm on the right with darker skin is labeled "Me Having Sex". In the middle, above the clasp, it is written "Less than 3 minutes."

tabs1528

The image shows a cartoon vampire with the Soviet Union flag superimposed on it, saying, "Of all history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've encountered." Below it is an angry-looking cartoon penguin with the Finnish flag superimposed on it, and text that says "*Angry snow noises*".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a mockup of a WhatsApp chat interface with Friedrich Engels' picture on the right. The WhatsApp screen shows a conversation with Karl Marx repeatedly messaging "I NEED money". The text above reads "WHAT IF FRIEDRICH ENGELS HAD WHATSAPP" with laughing emojis next to it.

A Star Wars Fan

Two cartoon images of Donald. On the left, a classic Donald Duck with angry expression. On the right, the same bird with different hairstyle to resemble Donald Trump.

Anonymous

If only true Americans voted:

A United States map is displayed with states colored red or blue to represent an election outcome. The legend shows Harris with 31 electoral votes and Trump with 337, suggesting a landslide victory for Trump. The user can select a party, show a toss-up, or a third party and see the state breakdown below.

Mr.Cheese47

cheese

An image of a creature made from a cracked egg with legs, an eye, and the text "me at 3:00AM heading over to the fridge", "he travels", and "he seeks the parmesan".

DAP ME UP

?!?? TRIGGERED MUCH

The image shows a conversation between a quiet kid and another person. The text reads: QUIET KID: I GOT MURDER ON MY MIND. ME: YEAH, ITS A REALLY NICE SONG. QUIET KID: WHAT SONG?. The background image is a man with a shocked expression.

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