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Jokes
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Masturbation memes

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Product

Anonymous · 1 day ago

A screenshot of a fake Walmart product page. The title of the product is "Public Masturbation Privacy Cover" with 4.5 stars and 6 reviews. The product image shows a smiling blonde woman sitting inside a brown, quilted portable sauna that covers her entire body except for her head.

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Sequence

Heroin Monkey · 4 months ago

A February calendar grid titled "Fibonacci Fap February". Instead of standard dates, the large numbers in each cell follow the Fibonacci sequence (where each number is the sum of the two preceding ones), starting with 1 on February 1st and ending with 317,811 on February 28th.

Diet

Heroin Monkey · 8 months ago

A tweet from user @papiko_114514 on a dark background. The tweet reads: "It's unfair how easy it is for men to diet 😡😡. Masturbate ↓ About 2g of semen come out ↓ Masturbate 500 times per day ↓ Lose 1kg. Wouldn't you lose 10kg if you'd continue this for 10 days??? 😡😡". Below the tweet, it says "3:55 PM · 2019/02/13 · Twitter for iPhone".

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Johnson

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a Reddit post from r/Kanye, labeled NSFW. The title asks, 'Is it still ethical to jiggle my johnson to Kanye songs?' The body text below is a 'DISCUSSION' post starting with 'A while ago, I discovered that certain Kanye songs caused me to become ithyphallic...' and continues with a lengthy description of the user's masturbation habits, influenced by Kanye West's music and recent controversies. It ends by asking for an alternative suggestion like 'Jordan Terrell Carter'.

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Dad

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

An anonymous 4chan post from January 13, 2021, at 09:59:24 with the number 844740211. The post consists of a green text story:
"masturbating in bedroom", "about to cum", "dad comes running in naked screaming", "and here comes dad from left field!!", "he does a running jump", "lands asshole first on my dick", "penetration.png", "cum", "mfw he laughs and calls me a faggot for cuming in another guy". The post ends with "EVERY FUCKING TIME". To the left of the text is a drawing of Wojak pointing a gun at his head.

Class

Raptor · 1 year ago

#relatable!!!!

The image shows a black wolf with red eyes and sharp teeth, looking angry. Above the wolf it says "Sit at front of class" and below it says "Furiously masturbate".

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Word

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A man smiles in two panels, the first with a raised index finger, and the second with a smirk. Above the first panel, the text says: "In Swedish, the word 'gråtrunka' means to cry while masturbating." Below the second panel, the text says: "The fact that they actually have a word for that is a real tear jerker."

Driver

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A news headline reads: 'Pantless driver dies after being ejected through his sunroof while masturbating to porn on a cellphone when the car crashed and rolled over.'

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Ad

MEME LORD · 1 year ago

A screenshot of an online personal ad. The headline reads 'I need a female to fart in my mouth - m4w - 34 (Detroit)'. Below the headline, there is a photo of a man and his age listed as 'age : 34'. The ad text reads: 'I want a big beautiful black lady here in Detroit to fart in my mouth with gas. I just want you to get on the couch and bend over so I can open my mouth wrap my lips around your asshole. I need you to fart loud and long filling up my mouth, while I masturbate.'

Heaven

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A meme showing three men, likely religious figures, seated at a panel. The top text states, "These guys say women YouTubers can't go to heaven because men have masturbated over them." Below the image, a screenshot of a social media comment reads, "Rubbed one out for them, now no one goes to heaven."

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Galaxy

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image is a picture of a galaxy with an arrow pointing to a specific area of the galaxy with the text 'You are here furiously masturbating'.

Necrophilia

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a meme with three cats and text on a pink and blue gradient background. The text reads: "Masturbation is necrophilia if you're dead inside. ...halt." The first cat is on the left, sitting upright. The second cat, at the top right, wears a police uniform. The third cat is fainter, at the bottom right.

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Video

Anonymous · 2 years ago

best last comment ever

A screenshot of a comment that says: "Amy's gonna masturbate to a video of may masturbating."

Place

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A cat turns its head in surprise, with a shadowy figure in the background. Text above reads: "What's the wildest place you've masturbated in??" Text below reads: "Turn around."

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Time

Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 2 years ago

Jorking my peniys

The image is a screenshot of a tweet by user @Xvstardust_. The tweet text reads: One time I was jorking mine peniys and... Well... Let's just say it got hard...

Woman

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows text in white font on a grey background. It reads: "If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A. Has intimacy issues. B. Is frigid. C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus."

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College

Wade · 2 years ago

The image shows a series of posts. The first post asks, "Remember in college you were making out with Betty from your CompSci class and she put a finger up your butt. So you started questioning your sexual preference?" with a reply, "IT WAS MY FINGER BARRY!". The second post starts with, "Remember when you were jacking off with no clothes on for the first time just to try it out? Remember when your Mom walked by and saw everything, even though you were sure that you had closed the door?" followed by the reply, "It was me, Barry! I opened the door! And don't think for a moment that I didn't see everything too!!". The third post reads, "Remember that wet dream that ruined your favorite cartoon bed spread as a teen?!" with the reply "IT WAS ME, BARRY! I JERKED YOU OFF IN YOUR SLEEP!!"

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Vape

Anonymous · 3 years ago

Why have I not seen these posters in my neighbourhood?

A poster on a wooden pole reads "Pleasuring yourself with a vape? Try masturbation instead. Masturbation alone or with a friend is a great safe alternative to vaping." There is also a website "WhatsInAVape.com" and "THE REAL COST" on the poster.

Day

Chri5 · 3 years ago

Hol up

The image shows a four-panel comic strip followed by a screenshot from the game "Among Us". In the first four panels, a man is shown sitting at a table on four different "free days": "tobacco free day", "alcohol free day", "coffee free day", and "masturbation free day". In each panel, he has a smoking object in his mouth. The fifth panel is a screenshot of the "Among Us" game, showing an "Emergency Meeting". Text on the image says, "EMERGENCY MEETING" and "Calera".

Rose

peanut butter · 3 years ago

roses are red coal needs to burn i masterbated and it started to burn

A close-up of Shrek smiling with a slight smirk. He's green with red eyes, wearing a brown vest. The background shows blurry green trees and bright light.