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1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Bed

Happens any time I'm sick or would be lyingg in bed all day for any reason

A spotted dog is nestled in a bed, looking very comfortable.

Trip

A group of people dressed as Ronald McDonald stand together on a street. Text above reads, "Me and my friends planning a trip which will never happen."

Shrek

What happen to shrek

A close up of Shrek's head with a soft, slightly pained smile. His ears are visible and he is set against a light green background.

Hospital

The image shows two panels. The left panel depicts a person lying in a hospital bed with tubes in his nose. The text above him reads: "When your boss asks for proof you're in hospital." The right panel shows the character Baby Yoda. Above him the text reads: "Boss: You should've been here at 8. Me: Why, what happened at 8?"

Head

Always happen to me

A yellow minion with one eye is looking annoyed next to text that reads: "I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the damn script."

Big City Greens

I like this episode

A scene from the cartoon "Big City Greens" is shown. One character is lying down holding a magazine, another character is holding an ice cream cone, and two characters are dressed as bananas. The text asks those who have never seen the show to explain what is happening.

Halloween

The image shows two scenes of the same bathtub. In the first scene, a person is relaxing in the tub, saying, "I am so relaxed." In the second scene, a second person has appeared in the tub, wearing a witch hat, and says, "Surprise!" The first person is clearly shocked and asks, "Why is this happening?"

Android

The image shows a block of text in a small font against a dark background. The text discusses themes of artificiality, resentment, and the conflict between being built for a purpose and being blamed for wanting.

Pollution

A close-up shot of a clear bottle, likely containing a beverage, with its white plastic cap still attached to the bottle by a small piece of plastic. In the background, a bottle of Tito's Vodka and a glass with a drink and ice are visible. Text overlaid on the image asks about the manufacturing of bottle caps in Europe not fully disconnecting and states it's happening everywhere. A comment beneath the text explains it's to avoid pollution.

Father

Text: THEORY: My father leaving me is a Drake diss. Reason 1: My father left without saying a word or giving a reason, a reference to how Drake sneak disses people with no direct confrontation. Reason 2: My father is a big Rihanna fan, we all know what happened between Rihanna and Drake...

Infidelity

A page from a parody 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' book featuring handwritten text and a cartoon illustration of Greg Heffley and his mother in a car. The text describes Greg witnessing his mother's infidelity and his resulting feelings of disgust and distrust, culminating in a tense conversation where she asks him to keep the secret.

Point

A black and white portrait of a person with a pig's face and the text "WE NEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AT SOME POINT." Below the pig's face, the text "JOHN PORK" is visible.

Wade

For you, Wade. where MAKING THIS HAPEN

A distorted, pixelated drawing of a person with a determined expression. The person has spiky black hair, big eyes, and a wide smile with prominent teeth. The person wears a red shirt. Text reads: "For you, Wade. Making this happen."

Duck

What happened

The image shows a side-by-side comparison of two cartoon ducks. The left duck is labeled "HAPPY DUCK" and wears a green shirt and baseball cap along with sunglasses. The right duck is labeled "SMUG DUCK" and wears pixelated sunglasses, has a tear, and is holding a gun, with a pile of money nearby.

Video

The image shows a screenshot of YouTube's trending videos. The top five videos are about Drake, Kendrick Lamar and general relativity. The videos titles include: 'THE BOOGEYMAN CAME OUT TO PLAY! | Kendrick Lamar - Euphoria (Drake diss) (REACTION!!!)', 'How Drake Was In The Studio Listening To The Kendrick Diss', 'KENDRICK LAMAR RESPONDS TO DRAKE & J COLE!!! "Euphoria" (REACTION)', 'Something Strange Happens When You Follow Einstein's Math', and 'KENDRICK LAMAR HAS RECLAIMED HIS THRONE FROM DRAKE | KENDRICK LAMAR - EUPHORIA (DRAKE DISS)'.

Friend

A woman is crying while holding a telephone receiver to her ear. The text above the image says, "Me calling my best friend when the smallest inconvenient thing happens to me."

Chicken

A yellow road sign with a silhouette of a chicken is shown, and beneath it, in a real world scene, stands a black chicken. The text above the image reads, "My dad sent me a picture this morning and said 'it finally happened'".

Apology

A raccoon is looking at the camera with the text "Sorry for being annoying. It absolutely will happen again."

Magic

A photo of a bed with two pillows with the face of young Sheldon Cooper. In front of it is a picture of young Sheldon raising a finger. The text says: "This is where the magic happens. #bazinga"

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