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Survival

Shitpost master-general · 1 year ago

A vintage-style instructional poster depicts a serious-looking man in a suit extending his hand in a 'stop' gesture towards a choker with a bell. To his left, a list of items includes a maid dress, cat ears, and thigh-high stockings, each with a green checkmark and approval text: 'Sure', 'Definitely', 'Yea'. The choker with a bell has a red 'X' and the text 'NO'. The top banner reads: 'KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE! Always keep in mind that some articles, while cute, may impair your ability to sneak and catch small birds and rodents, essential to your survival.'

Man

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A black and white image features Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a dark, textured suit, looking directly forward with a serious expression. Overlayed text in yellow reads "HOW TO BECOME A TOP 1% MAN", followed by a bulleted list of absurd advice in white, pink, and green. The list includes: "ONLY P*RN", "10L WATER", "WORKOUT (NO BREAKS) - 3X ARM DAY - 2X LEG DAY - 4X BUTTHOLE DAY", "READ BOOKS", "READ BOOKS AGAIN", "ASSEMBLE UNCLES", "300X DAIRY INTAKE", "12 HOURS GRINDING", "ABSORB DETROIT". A small username "@entopranure" is visible at the top.

Online comment

RapBoat · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a dark-themed YouTube comment section. The main content is a lengthy comment from a user named "IvanLubin" which starts with "IQ?" and discusses the high IQ supposedly needed to understand Playboi Carti's music, referencing theoretical physics, nihilism, and Russian literature. It calls those who dislike Carti "idiots." The comment then shifts to praising Kanye West's album "DONDA" as a "cultural reset," followed by a comparison of choosing "Dinner with Jay Z" over $500,000 for financial success. The comment abruptly ends with a bizarre, explicit, and disturbing fantasy about wanting to have a baby with "Travis," describing the birth process in graphic detail. A red circle highlights the last few lines of the comment, which detail the desire to have a baby.

Sexual Intercourse

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A chart divided into two columns: "Illegal" on the left with a pink header, and "Legal" on the right with a green header. The title above the chart is "Guide to animal rights" and the subtitle is "What to do and not to do with animals". Under "Illegal" are three illustrations with captions: 1) A person standing behind a cow, labeled "Sexual intercourse". 2) A person kneeling next to a pig lying on its side, labeled "Blowjob". 3) A chicken with straps and buckles on it, labeled "Bondage". Under "Legal" are three illustrations with captions: 1) A person standing behind a cow, using a tube, labeled "Insemination". 2) A person kneeling next to a small pig, holding an instrument, labeled "Castration without anaesthesia". 3) A grid representing a cage, labeled "Caging".

Meth

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A picture shows a chart advertising crystals for negativity, but someone edited the picture, adding a pile of meth in the middle and the word "meth" at the bottom.

Chance

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image is a four-panel comic featuring a stick figure with a troll face. The first panel reads, "How to have a higher chance of winning in Russian roulette." The second panel shows the stick figure holding a pistol and reads, "Step 1: acquire a semi automatic pistol instead of a revolver". The third panel shows the stick figure holding the pistol and another stick figure with a concerned face and reads, "Step 2: tell your friend to go first." The fourth panel reads, "Problem death?" and shows the troll face again.

Computer

Anonymous · 2 years ago

A person is looking at the inside of a computer tower while holding a Minecraft Redstone Handbook. The book's cover reads "MINECRAFT The Official REDSTONE HANDBOOK."

Calvin

Thoughtless · 2 years ago

Remember when Calvin wanted to commit a school shooting?

A cartoon drawing on a sheet of notebook paper shows a boy named Calvin drawing himself in a tank. He draws himself firing the tank at a school building where kids are jumping out the window. Miss Wormwood comes to stop him. In the last panel, Calvin's teacher Miss Wormwood is shown taking a drawing from a student and making a comment about public schools.

Valentine's Day

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image is a four-panel comic showing how to celebrate Valentine's Day. The first panel shows a box of chocolates with the text "BUY CHOCOLATES." The second panel shows a teddy bear with the text "BUY A CUTE TEDDY BEAR." The third panel shows scented candles with the text "BUY SCENTED CANDLES." The fourth panel shows a bottle of wine and a wine glass with the text "BUY A BOTTLE OF GOOD WINE." Below these panels, there's an additional panel that shows a person in bed with the teddy bear, a spilled bottle of wine and an extinguished candle.

Debt

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

Rule

Wade · 3 years ago

Guide to surviving Scream(1996)

The image displays the text: "The Rules of Surviving a Horror Movie in Scream (1996). According to Wes Craven's horror slasher movie Scream (1996), these are the rules to surviving a horror movie: 1. Never say "who's there". 2. Don't have sex. 3. Don't drink or do drugs. 4. Never say "I'll be right back". 5. Everyone is a suspect. 6. Never go out to investigate a strange noise. Bonus: The supposedly dead killer may come back to life in the end for one final scare." On the right, there is a depiction of the Ghostface mask.

Kid

Doom Slayer · 3 years ago

how to kidnap kids

A drawing depicts a child in a blue shirt and a red cap standing on the left side. A skeleton is on the right, leaning forward with a sinister look. A shadow of a person is falling on the ground. Text on top: "2 CASUALLY APPROACH CHILD."