Worst Jokes Ever

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Heroin Monkey

A person is squeezing a toy alligator in a lemon squeezer. A bottle of Gatorade stands nearby. In the background, the Stonks Guy looks at the scene. The text reads: "When life gives you gators make Gatorade."

biscuit

shrek has a potato for a nose

"I ask the questions," snapped Shrek. "What's in your purse?"
"It is not a purse, but a pouch. Just some cold chicken parts."
"Give to me, purse boy!" Shrek yelled. "I will warm them with
my microwave eyes and eat them. Purse boys don't get to eat!"
As Shrek heated up his meal, the peasant died of seeing Shrek.
17

DAP ME UP

why so many

I will give away one
N-Word pass for every
like on this video
@manlikeisaac Subscribed
Spread the word.
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Thoughtless

A four panel cartoon shows a man with a bow and arrow, Robin, taking a bag of gold from a king and stating he steals from the rich and gives to the poor. In the second panel the king states that Robin took all his money and now he is the poor one. In the third panel Robin is looking at a bag of gold stating he is now the rich one and a woman looks at him surprised. In the fourth panel Robin is handing the woman a bag of gold saying sorry but it is only fair.

help me please im being abused

The image shows a man holding a stick or spear, positioned against a yellow backdrop. Above him are three red and blue banners that read, "GIVE," "ME," and "LIBERTY." In the bottom left corner, it reads, "HAMPTON HISTORY MUSEUM."

Heroin Monkey

The image shows an anime girl, Misha, sitting on the floor with prosthetic legs. A dialogue box above her says, "Oh! Sorry, that was my fault." Below it, another box says, "JESUS CHRIST, DID YOUR MOM GIVE BIRTH ON A MINE FIELD?" Another text box at the bottom says, "Misha: "Wahahatch where you're going~!"

Wade

A woman with long dreadlocks and a colorful hat is pictured. The text over her reads: "Claims unborn babies are just parasites, which gives mothers the right to kill them. Doesn't realize that makes her an overgrown parasite."

Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

A sculpture of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet is holding a honey pot. Winnie the Pooh is reaching out with a long arm to grab it. The text reads: "Give me all of your bee syrup now. Please don't take it from me, my wife is pregnant."

Heroin Monkey

The image shows text above a photo of a cow stuck in a metal structure, with the name "pablo" written on the bottom. The text says "Step 1: Google animals stuck in weird places. Step 2: Give it a common Spanish name. Step 3: Profit."

Heroin Monkey

The image shows four panels. The first panel shows an ape looking up with the text, "Evolution, can u give me brains to understand world?". The second panel shows a drawing of the evolution of various animals and the text "To understand world?". The third panel shows the same ape looking excited with the text "yeeeeeeeees". The fourth panel shows a silhouetted figure sitting with their head in their hands with the text "actually develops crippling depression like a fcking loser". The final panel shows the same silhouetted figure standing with a noose around its neck with the text "suicide time.".

H3LL0_K1TTY

Ethan should give me an Australian kiss 🤭

A woman is shown lying on her back with her arms above her head. Above her image are the words "AUSTRALIAN KISS" followed by "EQUALS AN UPSTAIRS MIX... TOILET BOWL BALLSUCKER".

Heroin Monkey

Two tweets are shown. The first tweet says: "Imagine walking 2km to hatch an egg and it turning out to be a fucking magikarp." The second tweet is by user Magikarp The Fish saying: "imagine waiting nine months to give birth and it's you"

Chunke Monke

it all makes sense now 😮😮😮

The image has the title "Cooties" followed by a definition. "Diseases that the opposite sex has that gives you a reason to not be around them. When you get older, cooties becomes known as 'STDs.'" It then gives two examples: "Age 8: 'Ewww... She has cooties, I can't talk to her!'" and "Age 15: 'Ewww... She has herpes, I can't sleep with her!'"

Anonymous

Ignore line & ovals

The image is a screenshot of a Facebook post. The post is a lengthy text about Islamic terrorism. The text includes a fictional dialogue that is supposed to be a parody of a conversation about terrorism. The fictional dialogue begins with a claim that the terrorists were told to act by holy texts. The fictional responses include blaming social and geopolitical reasons, accusing the terrorists of not being true Muslims, and even accepting blame for causing the terrorism.

Silly Sonka

Stonk Boi: Give me dat

The image features the stonk boi character with a blank face and smooth head on a red background. The top text is 'YO MIEM' and the bottom text is 'OWUAR MIEM'. A hammer and sickle is visible in the background.

ɮǟʀօռ ɦɛʟʍʊȶ zємσ

The image shows a still of Nala from "The Lion King" with a large red circle with a line through it superimposed over her head. There is text in yellow on the right saying "THIS IS NOT OKAY". Below the image is the text "Patriotic Christian Mothers Against the Frankly Obscene Look Nala Gives Simba After He Lands On Top Of Her In The Jungle Wrestling Scene."

M3ME G0D

The image shows four sheep standing next to each other on green grass. The text above the sheep reads: "Game: Gives a free skin. Everyone:"

Gummibääääär

A bar graph showing what gives people feelings of power. Money is at the bottom, then status, and then a far longer bar for saying shhh in a loud room and everyone going quiet immediately. Text reads: WHAT GIVES PEOPLE FEELINGS OF POWER. MONEY. STATUS. SAYING SHHH IN A LOUD ROOM AND EVERYONE GOING QUIET IMMEDIATELY.

Wilkinsonburritos

I wish my friends would give me this shirt

A black t-shirt with a picture of the Twin Towers. Instead of buildings, the towers are spaghetti and the words "Never Forgetti" are written on the shirt.

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