aunt: on internet buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars neice: i found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch its 3 dollars to watch aunt: im not paying for that shit neice: yet u sit there and buy weight loss pills
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?
I don't know. I still haven't found them.
What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?
A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?
Ask an orphan.
I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.
Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off. Customer: Okay? What's the catch. That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry. Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it's is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
i don't joke about 9/11 because i lost my dad he was the best pilot i ever knew
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?
I was dying when i called my sister and she said "Hi this is pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic your loss our sauce how may i help you today."
Orphan. Where are my parents
God.New York City
Orphan. But they use to live in China
How did the orphan lose its parents?
It’s parents never came back from getting milk.
my uncle died on 9 11. her last words were Allah Ackbar.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
