How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
