Hospital Gown jokes

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."