Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today. And treat others how you want to be treated! Rate your day scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
* sans at sans favorite restaurant* Sans: hey frisk what do you eat today?
Frisk: one knife plz
sans: ok one knife plz
Waiter: you eat a knife?
Frisk: yes
* waiter asking for one knife*
Waiter: here you go
Frisk: thanks you
i hate it when I go to the shop and people are like "oh, hey what are you doing here?" me "oh you know just hunting elephants.
Dr Suess Dark jokes HEY THERE LITTLE MISTER IM DATING YOUR SISTER!!!
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account? You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that- (Destroys phone cutely)
Hey, I’m George and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.
Go into someone’s search history, And find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.
Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans-
In Boston we say
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said “ Hey Jill, you wanna?” Jill said yes, unzipped her dress and then they had a “daughta” 🤣
hey you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? cause you really know how to raise a cock!
Hey Siri, where is my dad? Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen! Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. ...WhAT-
One day, a preist and a nun went to play golf together. In the first shot, the preist missed his shot and said “Fuck I missed it.” The nun replied “Hey you should not curse.” In the second shot, the preist missed his shot again and said “Fuck I missed again.” The nun replied “Hey stop swearing, or else god will punish you.” In the next shot, the preist missed once again. He shouted “Fuck this, this game is bullshit.” The nun replied “Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime.” Suddenly, a thunderbolt stroke the nun and killed her, the clouds separated from the sky and there was a voice in the sky saying “Oh fuck I missed.”
hey, Britain. no queen? :(
hey, america. no towers? :(
As a son I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot. I came home the next day I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask whats going on my mom said to me. Meet your new daddy, then my friend said to hey son get me a beer from the fridge.
me : hey you want to hear a dark joke brother: sure me : turn off light
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
Hey, do you like nuts? try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* its a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* we got cashues peanuts wallnuts! And its called deez nuts! *slam dunk* try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! Its a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*
hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes in fact, they hang with them!
