Hey Jokes

Homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge

A homeless man is walking along a road, and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park. "Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate! The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"

i'll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket: "hey, look how far i can kick this bucket!!"

My friend: “Vaporeon is my favorite Pokémon.”

Me “Hey did you kno-“

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

My girl freind called me a cock sucker but HEY 20 dollars is 20 dollars

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day, he replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."