Hey

Hey jokes

*Titanic was sinking.*

Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?

Captain: Two miles.

Passenger: Which way are we going?

Captain: Down.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."

Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?

My enemy: Uh, no, why?

Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

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    • Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

    North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

    Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

    Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

    Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

    * Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

    Frisk: One knife, plz.

    Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

    Waiter: You eat a knife?

    Frisk: Yes.

    *Waiter asking for one knife*

    Waiter: Here you go.

    Frisk: Thanks you.

    I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

    Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

    Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

    You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

    (Destroys phone cutely)

    Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

    Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

    Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?

    In Boston we say,

    "Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

    Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

    Hey Siri, where is my dad?

    Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

    HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

    Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

    ...WhAT-

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    • One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

    In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

    In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

    In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

    The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

    Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

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