Heard Jokes

I'm just gonna say it, and don't get offended, but I'm so sick of the media being on the female side. It never shows what life is like for a male.

Yes, women do have it hard in life because they have to give birth, etc.

But men have it pretty hard too, if not harder. Males are criticized for showing emotions.

Men have to go to war on the front lines.

Boys have less support from their friends because showing any emotion is a sign of weakness.

Boys have to wear trousers in schools where they practically burn to death in summer, meanwhile girls get to wear dresses and skirts. And now we hear girls complaining about them not being allowed to wear trousers. Yet we haven't ever heard anything about boys protesting about wearing shorts to school. It's because no one will take a man's protest seriously because the media is always against the men.

Man-rape is unheard of in the media, and I've never seen anything in any form of news accusing a woman as a rapist.

We are expected to gather up our guts [and] ask a girl to be their girlfriend. We have to take them on dates, pay the bill, [and] buy them gifts when the girls never do anything like that for us males. We have to get a job while they put on makeup and go out with their friends and spend 3 months' worth of the money the man has made.

And the women say we only rape women and that we restrict women from doing certain things like fighting in world wars.

It's because most males do not want females to get hurt, yet we are criticized for this.

I propose an idea that on the 19th of September every year (until we get the point across) all males do not go to work, etc.

Who's going to put out all the fires? The two "firewomen" at the local fire station? Who is going to work in the major corporations? The secretary's and the receptionist?

Women are always saying that the world will be a better place if they're are no men around. Let's show them how wrong they are.

(This event can be done worldwide.)

Share this with as many people who still believe in the rights of the males.

(I'm not against feminism; it's just that everything in the media is about some stupid problem women are complaining about + hatred for males everywhere.

But I think that nowadays women have more rights than men because they can wear what they want, do what they want, and never get criticized or face any consequences.)

Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brothers room and catches him watching something so he asks “what you watching” his brother replies “ nothing “ and drops his phone but the he gets a text from his teacher texted him a picture of her naked saying “ after school come fuck me “ so Johnny looks and says “ ew I’m telling mom” and he ran with his brothers phone and showed his mom and his mom said “ok johnny I’ll take care of you brother “ and she told him to leave and he did and his brother ran in his moms room naked and his mom said “oh that’s big how about you do what your teacher told you to do to her to me” and a few hours later Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex so he closed the door and walked away

Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"

Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?

Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?

Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!

Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.

Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.

56 hours later.

Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.

Carl: Why me? Yes?

Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?

Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...

Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!

Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.

Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.

Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?

Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...

Vronica: For real!

Carl: Mhmmm

Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!

Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.

Mrs. Lewis: Yes?

Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?

Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!

All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!

Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?

Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!

Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee

Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...

Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.

Oh sorry... I think.

Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?

All students: That's not a thing!

I never heard of it...

Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!

Khloe: Why?

Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.

Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?

Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!

Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...

In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.

She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up.

One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune.

Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.

My mom and I went to a bank. hard to say i never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks"

LOL

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

Bestie hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!!

My Friend- Why does Santa look like that? My 15 Year Old Friend- He has secateurs cancer... Me- I heard its cause he comes once a year. *-Everyone Looks at me-*

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband. Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

Have you heard about Kids with aids

It never gets old

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

hiii everyone i heard from many people that they want to join the stop orphan jokes group who wants to?

have you heard about the pillsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

*Principal:* What is 3+3?

*Boy:* 6.

*Principal:* 6+6.

*Boy:* 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

*Boy:* Legs.

*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?

*Boy:* Pockets.

*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

*Boy:* Coconut.

*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

*Boy:* Bubble gum.

*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

*Boy:* Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

*Boy:* Wedding ring.

*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

*Boy:* Nose.

*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

*Boy:* Arrow.

*Principal:* O MY GOD.

*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

*Boy:* Fork.

*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

*Boy:* Surname.

*Principal:* Ohooo !

*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

*Boy:* Heart.

*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.