Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What's better than a meme? A really good Vine.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
Hello there, have a good day!
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
