Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
Why did Ama cross the road?
To find his dad.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."
And then the wall fell on them.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.
The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
