DoS jokes
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Why do people hate jokes about the World Trade Center?
Because it's an easy target.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Bored games.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!