DoS jokes
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Which freedom fighter do we say "good morning" every day?
Answer: Subah Chandra Bose.
"Subah" means morning.
Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."