DoS jokes
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you call a bus full of white people?
A TWINKiE!!!
What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?
Pot roast.
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
What do you call high Mexicans?
Baked beans ;)
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.