Do jokes
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Memes
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.