My doctor called me a "psychopath". HOW DARE HE!?! HE'LL PAY FOR THIS!
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine, and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes. The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank has jotted that down on his notebook he says, "o, i c"
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimers". The old guy replies "At least I've not got cancer".
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said “ Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.” The lady asks, “Am I pregnant? “. To which the Doctor replied “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
The doctor told me I had aids I said it's your fault sister.
Man Cancer is so easy to beat, I'm already on stage 4
Doctor: you don't have long to live. 10... Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
So I ran into my Specialist Doctor and he said "pick a star sign, any star sign" so I said "Capricorn " and he said "nah you got cancer".
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
I just found out i'm colourblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
