You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey. To remind him what colour his piss is meant to be.
English: Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no. Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?” “Under my bench,” he replies.
French: Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au salle de bain. La maîtresse dit non. Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand riviere du monde ?” “Sous mon banc,” il répond.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre.Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée !”
What do you call a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
What do you say to a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
What do u get when I get mixed with coffee? De-presso
Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol. qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter ?) Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre , parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans ...(Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in). Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir- metre ( centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to fill it when going in...
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
A 10y.o. : I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn... my life is shitty...
<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? *googles it*
Now 14y.o. : Oh...
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated
What was king tut's favorite coffee?
- De-coffin-ated
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie
puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (ill never be able to do it) the mother: AI NINO ( OH CHILD ) the teen: QUE? ( WHAT?) the mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! ( DONT START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN) the teen: I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA the mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH) the teen: QUAL ( WIHCH) the mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD) the teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA ( THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE) *a phone buzzes* the teen: whose phone is that ma? unknown: MR PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE * runs to bag opens white one and sticks hand in* the teen : HAIR GELL
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
Ay Fonsi DY Oh Oh no, oh no Oh yeah Diridiri, dirididi Daddy Go Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote Tengo que bailar contigo hoy (DY) Vi que tu mirada ya estaba llamándome Muéstrame el camino que yo voy (Oh) Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan Solo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso (Oh yeah) Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro Despacito Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito Deja que te diga cosas al oído Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo Despacito Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito (sube, sube, sube) (Sube, sube) Quiero ver bailar tu pelo Quiero ser tu ritmo Que le enseñes a mi boca Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby) Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro Hasta provocar tus gritos Y que olvides tu apellido (Diridiri, dirididi Daddy) Si te pido un beso ven dámelo Yo sé que estás pensándolo Llevo tiempo intentándolo Mami, esto es dando y dándolo Sabes que tu corazón conmigo te hace bom, bom Sabes que esa beba está buscando de mi bom, bom Ven prueba de mi boca para ver cómo te sabe Quiero, quiero, quiero ver cuánto amor a ti te cabe Yo no tengo prisa, yo me quiero dar el viaje Empecemos lento, después salvaje Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito Nos vamos pegando poquito a poquito Cuando tú me besas con esa destreza Veo que eres malicia con delicadeza Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito Y es que esa belleza es un rompecabezas Pero pa montarlo aquí tengo la pieza Despacito Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito Deja que te diga cosas al oído Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo Despacito Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito (sube, sube, sube) (Sube, sube) Quiero ver bailar tu pelo Quiero ser tu ritmo Que le enseñes a mi boca Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby) Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro Hasta provocar tus gritos Y que olvides tu apellido Despacito Vamos a hacerlo en una playa en Puerto Rico Hasta que las olas griten "¡ay, bendito!" Para que mi sello se quede contigo Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito Que le enseñes a mi boca Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby) Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito Hasta provocar tus gritos Y que olvides tu apellido (DY) Despacito
why do they put barcodes on the ships in norway why? so when they come into port they can scan-de-navian
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn"
Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were "You're standing on my oxygen tube"
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo
