Child Care jokes

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.