Cat jokes

A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."

There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."

There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."

There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."

Then it all happened.

The fly dropped six inches.

The fish came up and caught the fly.

The bear came out and caught the fish.

The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.

The mouse went for the sandwich.

The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.

The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.

What's so wrong about Trump being in office?

He steals all the cats.

What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?

It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?

The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).

Do you know Warrior Cats?

I heard Hawkfrost is cold.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

What is a cat's favorite Queen song... Don't stop meow.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.

Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.

Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good