Sonic can run around the world in a second, i can do it in 0.5, ----- but chuck Norris has already done it before us.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?
Arsenal can win trophies and win games.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
