Canning jokes

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

A good bath is like a dead lover.

You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.

What’s the difference between bowling balls and babies?

You can unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?

You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."

What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?

A Jedi Flight.

Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!

"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.

"What is it?" said George Sink.

"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.