Canning jokes
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can watch the expression on their face.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."