Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
I like dicks... sporting goods.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
my dad died in 9-11 he was the best piolt
What is the best part of being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family sized
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Best website ever 4 chair.
What kind of knickers is the best?
Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
Which nut is the best at playing tag? Catch-yous aka cashews.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
The best thing about an orphan they don’t have to suffer from your mama jokes
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
